Slow Down.

I simply stopped my race, I’d found a quiet place, to read my Bible some, until my peace did come, but then I had a look, away from the good book, into my mirror, rear, and saw with some true fear, a cop car drawing near.

You see that night had been, one which I didn’t win, I’d let myself get mad, worked up, and rather sad. I thought I needed to, drive faster than I do, when in a normal state, and chose not to abate, the speed at which I went, even when God sent, a whisper in my ear, slow down my daughter dear.

I’d pulled right off of the road, before his bright lights showed, to have some Jesus time, and write myself a rhyme, I didn’t know that I, had passed that trooper by, or hadn’t really stopped, but past that stop sign hopped, so he came to my side, and asked “how was my ride”, I said I’d lost my cool, with some friends back at school, and probably had drove bad, then showed him what I had, in ways of cards and such, that his kind loves so much.

He asked me if I knew, where I was going to, I said well yes I do, and if I must be true, the reason I stopped here, was simply to draw near, my Jesus whom I love, who lives up high above, and read my Bible too, for that’s just what I do.

He looked me over then, and quickly did begin, to shine his light into, my windows through and through. Finding I did not, have things like beer or pot, he asked me if I did, have Bibles somewhere hid, I said, well yes of course, (my voice was getting hoarse,) I showed him what I had, and he looked rather glad.

Then that kind soul had grace, on my unhappy face, and simply gave me a, quick warning and I’ll say, I was so happy then, I said, well thanks again! He said just keep in mind, there’s better ways you’ll find, to blow off built up steam, and yes, it does now seem, like good advice to take, before I go and make, a rash decision while, I’m driving for a mile, Next time I will stop first, and bring God all my worst, before I drive too fast, with music up full blast.

I’ll keep these words in mind, the next time that I find, myself in quite a mess, I’ll stop there and confess, before I leave the town, that I need to slow down, and take the time to be, with Jesus then I’ll see, that running ‘way from things, no peace it really brings.

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Senior Pictures – Ashley Frazier

This lovely lady swears she’s not model material… I beg to differ. :)
Congratulations Ashley!! It was truly a joy to be able to take your senior pictures.

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“When presence seems gone and waters run dry

When all that comes from my mouth is a sigh

My love for you is still so strong

I cannot stay away for long

So wait on me my child dear

Wait for my arms when I draw near”

“When days seem long and nights so sad

I still believe in you my Dad

I’ll wait for you, obey your voice

When in that valley, I’ll make that choice”

I wrote this years ago during a time that was filled with constant recognition of God’s presence. I felt at the time that I was writing this for someone in the room I read it in, little did I know it was for me.

Life hasn’t been bad, but I find myself missing that feeling of closeness to my Father. Instead of those feelings drawing me in this is a time of choosing who I will be. Choosing to be a Christ follower, and to let the fears and doubts I have be answered, or just recorded to be acknowledged and possibly answered in His timing. Silly but true that I can choose to not see the answers staring me in the face, but that’s for a different post.

I don’t think I realize the importance of His timing yet. I don’t know if I ever will. But today I choose to actively wait and see what He holds for me. For His way is higher, surer, and better than mine will ever be, no matter what it seems like at the moment.

Ephesians 3:20-21

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Come to You

I stay outside the gate and wait
for my big burdens to stray away.
I’m way to busy to come and bum
your food that makes my soul so whole.
The days go by, I’m blessed but stressed.
I’m wondering if I’ll make or break
The big life you have planned so grand.

One day I come and sit a bit
I taste the food you give and live
for a moment with rest so blessed
that I recall the way you say
to come to you each day and stay
so full, not empty, for you (It’s true!)
give me plenty when I come to you.

John 6:35  Then Jesus declared, ‘I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.'”

In life we will die without water in a matter of days, but the body can live without food for several weeks. If we believe in Christ we won’t be thirsty, he has taken care of the most immediate and life threatening need completely. But how often do we go hungry?  We go hungry not because he does not provide, but because we simply do not come to eat.

I have had to remember that. There have been many days lately when I wonder where my peace, patience, and strength have gone. They aren’t as visible to me as they have been in times past. When I realize that those are missing I’ve got to make myself sit down and eat of the rest, peace, joy and strength he gives me. I can go a long time without it, but just like when I go a long time without food, I get cranky. Which is silly when all I’ve got to do is simply come to him!

I hope we will come to His table more.

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When words defy you and faces confront you
Just look up.
Up to the blue sky    Up to the way high
To the heights where your heart can soar.
Then look down.
From way up there     You realize where
The important things lie.

“Perspective” by Anna Crumbie, 2015



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Jamie :)

I loved taking pictures of this beautiful baby girl. :) Her smile was adorable, and I loved that we got to play with saddles. :) Best of luck in life little Jamie! God bless you.

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I am glad you were born alive.

                “I am glad you were born alive.”

                I don’t think I’ve said that before this week, but now those words have ran through my head more times than I can count. Looking down into the big wise brown eyes of a wonderfully chubby baby, watching a dark skinned Latino girl skip across the parking lot, holding a blonde blue eyed girl full of energy and spunk on my lap. All of these things have brought this saying to my mind. But those things aren’t what put it there.

               Image What put that saying there was a dead baby. One that I hadn’t seen ‘till today but that had been making my heart heavy for some time. His name is Koda. His heart never beat outside of his mothers womb.

You see, last week I took maternity pictures for his mother. She knew he wasn’t going to live, but she still wanted to remember and celebrate the life that had grown inside of her. The photo shoot was a wonderful time that almost didn’t happen. She almost decided to stay home that day, and I almost went to the lake instead of assisting my mom with the shoot. Thankfully something pushed me to stay home, and her to leave home, so we were together taking pictures that day.

          It was a wonderful time. Koda’s mother, my mother, and I went to Caddo Lake to take pictures. We laughed, we cried, we talked, we watched out for poison ivy and we enjoyed the beauty of the area. The pictures turned out beautiful. God set up some of the locations in a way I had never seen before, and they worked wonderfully for me.

                The next day I woke up and was told that the baby’s heart had stopped beating. It had stopped in the night as I slept.

                That day I went to a friends house, she has an adorable little brown eyed boy. “I’m glad you were born alive.” I whispered to him, my heart breaking for my other friend yet rejoicing for the life in front of me all at once.

        Image        I have more deeply realized (there should be a word for that in English.) that not everyone gets to live. That each life is a surprise, a gift, a miracle, and a treasure all rolled up into one. Sometimes the miracle doesn’t finish like we want it to and we lose a life long before we want to. I can’t find the exact words to say how bad it is when that happens, but it sucks.

                My mom and I got to be with the family at the hospital while the doctors and the mama worked to get Koda out, and after he came. Birth still makes me a little squeamish, so I wasn’t there for that. The pictures of healthy babies on the walls, the sound of a healthy baby’s heartbeat coming from the next room, the people smiling or saying their congratulations when they see you in the waiting room…. Those things make you want to cry when you can’t look forward to a wiggling baby in your arms.

                Why don’t miracles finish the way I think they should? Why didn’t the miracle that started when Koda was conceived finish with a wonderful old man dying after 89 years of vibrant life? Why do some mothers last longer than their children? Why do hearts break and people die? I may know the answer, but that doesn’t stop the pain.

                Sometimes life gets broken, and it hurts like heck. But it reveals the beauty of the whole parts of life. And that makes the pain more bearable. This time of brokenness has revealed to me more of the beauty of human life. Of my life, of the many, many lives around me, especially the children. I recognize that beauty when I say: “I’m glad you were born alive.” I also recognize the pain that comes when one child isn’t born alive. I don’t know quite how to end this. I’m not that fond of endings at this moment.  But I pray for Koda’s family, and I pray for anyone else who has had to go through this.  May God comfort you when it seems impossible. 

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